Thanks for the date, here's $40 – keep the change…
Even today, many participants in the dating scene have divergent views on who should pay for the date. Personally, I like to pay for myself. But, this can be misconstrued as lack of interest. So, I usually explain to my date that it's just how I roll. If you need guidance in this area, check out: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/23244363/page/2/ or just GOOGLE it.
Story time! Last year, I tried speed dating. It was a success: at the end of the night, I had 2 mutual matches and both men contacted me right away. Date with Match #1 was very blah, so there was no second date. Match #2, on the other hand, proved very “impressive.” First off, this was the only time I was ever late for a date: Overconfidence resulted in poor time management, so when I arrived 5 minutes late, my match was already waiting.
Problem # 1: this guy really looks a lot like someone I work with; someone I don’t particularly like.
As it’s no fault of his own, the date went on! But, even after first 30-45 mins I was not feeling ANY mutual chemistry with this guy: he’s keept his distance, he diddn't ask many questions, and his body language was all but mute. BUT, everything suddenly changed as he unexpectedly scooched over and took my hand. I was really surprised; I had all but written off this date.
As the end of date in nearing, I dashed off to the bathroom to freshen up. When I got back, the checks had arrived – that’s right, plural: checks.
Problem # 2: who asks for separate checks when your date is in the bathroom? (a cop-out, perhaps?)
But, whatever; as I said, I like to pay my own way. I reached for my wallet and….
Problem # 3: the wallet is not in my bag
It was then, to my great horror, I distinctly remembered that – in my rush to get out of the house – I had left the wallet on the kitchen table. I was MORTIFIED. I first turned white, with horror; then red, with embarrassment. Alas, because there was only one way out of this situation – he paid. Talk about feeling that you ‘owe’ someone. And even though he laughed it off, I still felt awful, especially since I wasn’t planning on seeing him again. As we started our journey back to my car, he took my hand and proceeded to kiss me. I was still feeling uneasy about the sudden change in his attitude, but shrugged it off as we made tentative plans to go to brunch that Sunday. My chance at redemption!
However, after much thought and deliberation in the days that followed, I realized that I really didn't want to go out with this dude again, given all the problems listed above, and my fall from grace (the wallet thing.) Still, I was feeling really bad and since I am an honest, and straight-shooting person - who doesn’t avoid issues by ignoring e-mails, or making up stupid excuses - I e-mailed him with the following:
Dear guy, after much thought, I decided that another date isn't a great idea. Though the conversation had been enjoyable, I didn’t feel a spark; but, because I feel like an idiot for forgetting my wallet, I would really like to repay you.
His reply:
Sure, call me tonight to see if I’m around and we will arrange a meeting time/place.
So, help me out here, folks:
- Was I a jerk for not sucking it up and going on a 2nd date with this guy and paying?
- Was I a jerk for contacting him to tell him I don’t want to go on a 2nd date with him? Should I have made myself mysteriously “unavailable”?
- Was he a jerk for accepting my offer for repayment?
In any case, I drove by his place later that week and gave him $40 bucks to cover my $30 meal; I declined his offer for change.
Things NOT to ask on Date #1: Are you a virgin?
Online dating is a hit-or-miss. The testimonials provided by the likes of eHarmony, Lavalife, Match.com, etc. are really like miniature Harlequin romance novels – just something to fuel our fantasies. The truth is, for most, online dating is a treacherous journey. However, I know of a few people who have met their significant others online and who are now headed down the rose-petal covered runner to the altar. A friend, who’s recently coupled up with someone he met online, asserts that the success rate of online dating is 10%, and that’s just for a second date. That means you have to go on 10 dates – with creepers, weirdos, and crazies – to find someone you have enough chemistry with to want to go on a 2nd date. That’s pretty discouraging! Nevertheless, love just doesn’t come along and knock your door (well, it hasn’t knocked on my door yet, despite the horseshoe and the mistletoe that’s hanging in the doorway.) In any case, I digress.
I had first tried online dating in 2006. Since then, I’ve periodically removed and re-instated my profiles on eHarmony, Lavalife, Match.com, Plenty of Fish, etc. Though I usually start out with a fresh new profile and a burst of enthusiasm, it decreases exponentially to ~0 within few weeks. However, I’m not getting younger, and, I figured if I stick to the online dating thing, I will eventually get lucky. Figuratively speaking, of course 
I’ve recently revived my intent to explore the men of the online world. My latest profile is on PoF. Shortly after posting, I start chatting up with this guy – we shall call him Barry. Barry seems nice enough on paper and in pictures; at the very least, he can capitalize, the sentence structure is grammatically correct, and he punctuates – SCORE, Right? After exchanging several e-mails, we decide to meet for a drink. I get decked out and journey to the rendez-vous spot. As always, I’m right on time! He, on the other hand, is late – by 5 mins. I’m never late on a date (okay, there was this one time – but that’s a story for another post).
So, Barry shows up late but we hit it off fairly smoothly. The conversation is flowing well until our discussion turn to other people we’ve met online. And that’s where it all goes south:
Barry starts to describe in great details the other women he met online. In particular, there was this one girl, with whom he hit it off really well on Date 1. So well, in fact, Date 2 was planned. So, on date 2, during a walk, the lady in question (Chrissy, perhaps) turns to Barry and says: “Barry, I’m a straight shooting girl. I like you, but if we are to continue to see each other, I’m going to ask you to get a full STI exam before I can see you.” Barry was taken aback. He starts explaining that A) usually, this kind of conversation shouldn’t come up on Date 2. B) In the initial stages, the couples can avail to other forms of protection. It is really when you are in a relationship that a question such as STI test and birth control should really arise.
So, I’m sitting there, listening to Barry, and honestly acquiescing. Quite honestly, this chick sounds slightly wacko. I’m nodding my head as we discuss that people ‘our age’, should be well versed in talking about sex-related issues. Then, Barry pauses, looks at me and says: “What do you think of this whole situation. I assume you have had sex…?”
Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight. Slightly taken aback, I manage to crack a joke (a bad one). Feeling at once creeped out and thoroughly entertained, the date concludes shortly thereafter.
Needless to say, Date #2 didn’t happen.
So, if you wondered how to indirectly ask someone if they’re a virgin, wonder no more.