Thanks for the date, here's $40 – keep the change…
Even today, many participants in the dating scene have divergent views on who should pay for the date. Personally, I like to pay for myself. But, this can be misconstrued as lack of interest. So, I usually explain to my date that it's just how I roll. If you need guidance in this area, check out: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/23244363/page/2/ or just GOOGLE it.
Story time! Last year, I tried speed dating. It was a success: at the end of the night, I had 2 mutual matches and both men contacted me right away. Date with Match #1 was very blah, so there was no second date. Match #2, on the other hand, proved very “impressive.” First off, this was the only time I was ever late for a date: Overconfidence resulted in poor time management, so when I arrived 5 minutes late, my match was already waiting.
Problem # 1: this guy really looks a lot like someone I work with; someone I don’t particularly like.
As it’s no fault of his own, the date went on! But, even after first 30-45 mins I was not feeling ANY mutual chemistry with this guy: he’s keept his distance, he diddn't ask many questions, and his body language was all but mute. BUT, everything suddenly changed as he unexpectedly scooched over and took my hand. I was really surprised; I had all but written off this date.
As the end of date in nearing, I dashed off to the bathroom to freshen up. When I got back, the checks had arrived – that’s right, plural: checks.
Problem # 2: who asks for separate checks when your date is in the bathroom? (a cop-out, perhaps?)
But, whatever; as I said, I like to pay my own way. I reached for my wallet and….
Problem # 3: the wallet is not in my bag
It was then, to my great horror, I distinctly remembered that – in my rush to get out of the house – I had left the wallet on the kitchen table. I was MORTIFIED. I first turned white, with horror; then red, with embarrassment. Alas, because there was only one way out of this situation – he paid. Talk about feeling that you ‘owe’ someone. And even though he laughed it off, I still felt awful, especially since I wasn’t planning on seeing him again. As we started our journey back to my car, he took my hand and proceeded to kiss me. I was still feeling uneasy about the sudden change in his attitude, but shrugged it off as we made tentative plans to go to brunch that Sunday. My chance at redemption!
However, after much thought and deliberation in the days that followed, I realized that I really didn't want to go out with this dude again, given all the problems listed above, and my fall from grace (the wallet thing.) Still, I was feeling really bad and since I am an honest, and straight-shooting person - who doesn’t avoid issues by ignoring e-mails, or making up stupid excuses - I e-mailed him with the following:
Dear guy, after much thought, I decided that another date isn't a great idea. Though the conversation had been enjoyable, I didn’t feel a spark; but, because I feel like an idiot for forgetting my wallet, I would really like to repay you.
His reply:
Sure, call me tonight to see if I’m around and we will arrange a meeting time/place.
So, help me out here, folks:
- Was I a jerk for not sucking it up and going on a 2nd date with this guy and paying?
- Was I a jerk for contacting him to tell him I don’t want to go on a 2nd date with him? Should I have made myself mysteriously “unavailable”?
- Was he a jerk for accepting my offer for repayment?
In any case, I drove by his place later that week and gave him $40 bucks to cover my $30 meal; I declined his offer for change.