How to be single The experiential dating advice blog

New look = new dating pool?

This is an anecdotal post, and herein, I have no advice to offer except for what my friend said: "it's all fun and games until someone loses an eye." So, watch out for your glorious orbs!  Here goes: I am officially on vacation until Sept 27. In fact, I should be camping with my family right now. Unfortunately, I’m not. On Saturday, mere hours after we arrived on our camping site, I decided to show off my muscles (à la Arnold Schwarzenegger) and went out in search of firewood. To my misfortune, my intentions of arriving to the campsite, laden with massive logs for the campfire, came to abrupt halt when I snapped a branch off a tree log, and the branch – angry – recoiled, hitting me right across the eye.

I first thought that a piece of bark or a branch got stuck in my eye, and diligently tried to wash it out. However, after 24 hours of wallowing in pain, misery, and self-pity, I finally conceded that something was wrong, and traveled 2.5 hours to the most convenient hospital. Since I couldn’t drive myself, my sister kindly took over the wheel and carted me off to the emergency room. Despite the pain, my sense of humour seemed intact. In triage, when a (male) nurse asked me: “Are you allergic to anything?” my first instinctive answer was: “Only to assholes”. Later, when the resident was checking out my eye, she gleefully exclaimed: “Now, we’re going to do something fun!” I retorted: “Fun for you, or fun for me?”

Now, drugged with antibiotics and painkillers, I’m generally OK, as is my eye. I have, what the Doc termed “corneal abrasion” – a glorious name for a scratch of the eye. I’m not going to lie to you though: in the early stages of my “accident”, thoughts and images of me wearing an eye-patch forevermore invariably raced through my head. Hey, does anyone know of a good pirate-dating website? I could brush up on my pirate vocabulary.

“Arrr, this buccaneer to me eye be pleasin’!”

“Who is this scallywag? T' Davy Jones wit' ‘im!”