To do or not to do? The infamous 3rd Date
Extra! Extra! This just in! I went on a 2nd date. Whoa, right?! Right?! To put it into perspective, this is the first time that I’ve gone on a 2nd date with a guy I met online. (Okay, technically, that’s not entirely true. Back in ’07, I did go on multiple dates with a nice boy. But that didn’t go anywhere due to diverging life paths.)
Naturally, after the date – as after all my dates – I debriefed with my dating coaches (I have 2 – very important people) and my friends. Let me digress for a bit and say: if you don’t have a dating coach, get one. It’s always best to have someone who is familiar with the dating scene.
OK, back to the topic at hand. At the debrief, a very interesting discussion ensued. (In fact – when you factor in that this discussion took place over lunch, at work – you can most certainly claim that it was a NSFW discussion (not safe for work). Since we seem to have these discussions often, I’ve began thinking of starting a podcast… or my own reality TV show. If I do, it’ll definitely be titled NSFW.) Crikey, I digressed again.
So, the discussion was around the whole societal myth that on Date 3, you sleep with him/her. In reality, if you analyze how much you can learn about your date, in the 1-2 hours, then factor in two dates and weigh it against the emotional impact of having sex with someone, the “infamous Date 3” seems implausible. Yet, many amongst us commonly believe the following:
Date 1 = meet, talk, get to know each other, maybe kiss
Date 2 = talk more, discover move, kiss, maybe take off some clothes
Date 3 = talk yet more, you – or he – stays over for breakfast
I was curious to see if this “Date 3” myth was indeed a reality, so I Googled. The response… is… well, not really a response. As with all human issues – the answer varies: by sex, by age, and by personal choice. Thus, my advice is: if you are faced with this decision: to do or not to do (on Date 3), consider the following:
- If given the chance, guys *will* do it on the 1st/2nd/3rd date, so it’s usually up to girl to set the pace (unless she’s a sex addict). Tip: if your resolve is weak, it’s best not to go on dates that involve alcohol.
- What do you want? Set expectations for yourself, and level-set your mate to them. Honesty is the best policy.
- Generally, if subsequent dates are spaced out (more than 2 weeks between dates), the Date-o-meter is reset every time. So, basically, you’re not subjected to the societal standards.
For comic relief, the *top* response came from one of my dating coaches (male) who said: “if I could have, I would have done her on Date 1.” Yes, men are that primitive. I also recommend the following AskMen article.
In the end though, my advice is: figure out what you want (if you're looking for a long-term thing, falling into bed with him on Date 1 will definitely send the wrong message), and stick to your guns.
In the interest of keeping this blog PG13, I’ll admit that I had many “opportunities” on Date 2. However, I adhered to my personal standards, which I shared with him: I told him that I wasn’t looking for a “just a toss-in-the-hay,” and directed him to look elsewhere, if that were all he was looking for. Date 3 is pending.