How to be single The experiential dating advice blog

Keeper or Creeper?

So, with having recently decided that I won’t be shagging up with anybody until I’m in an exclusive relationship – as per Millionaire Matchmaker’s advice – comes the trouble of having to decide whether or not a guy is a keeper or a creeper. Should be easy, right? Well, not quite.

First, the reason behind my decision – which wasn’t easy – is because with sex, comes the emotional attachment. At least, this is so for most girls. After all, sex is intimate. As per my roommate, “sex doesn’t have to be complicated, unless you let it be.” Well, in order for sex not to get complicated, you have to be very “self-aware.” You have to constantly make sure you are  on top of your feelings, emotions, and thoughts. I admit that I’ve had a few FwB (friends with benefits), and most of them were quite successful: I’m still friends with most of my past FwB’s. But, like I said – those good relationships are due to the fact that I’ve always reminded myself that I was in it just for the satisfaction of my basic human needs. If we involve good ol’ Abraham Maslow into this discussion, then you’ll see, that having friends with benefits, is basically keeping yourself at the first/second levels of the pyramid.

So, essentially – and eventually – all of us feel that we need to find that Mr./Mrs. Right, and get on with accomplishing more than just our most basic needs. That’s where your whole perception on sex changes.

The rest of the discussion is very girl-driven (sorry to my guy friends) and it’s mostly humorous. Remember, you’re reading this for comic relief! Keep in mind too that I consider myself an elitist snob [said with a Russian accent].

And so, this post is all about what you need to uncover about him if you’re looking for Mr. Right, as opposed to Mr. Right Now.

a) Does he message you to ask you how your day was, or to ask what color underwear you’re wearing? If you’re in an exclusive relationship, the latter is quite fine, if all you’ve had was 2 dates, a message “I wish you were here to play with me” is somewhat inappropriate.

b) His EPI – earnings potential index. This may sound very “gold-digger-ish” but we can’t deny that women are attracted to men who can provide for us and our children; whilst men are attracted to women who look healthy and fertile and capable of bearing them heirs. Beware: this is not something that you can just ask a guy – so you have to be really sneaky with your questions, and derive the answer from his behaviors.

c) His CI – chivalry index. Keeping in line with the fact that girls need to make sure that “HE” can provide for us:

1. a) does he hold the door open and let you through first? If so, where does he put his arm? Upper back = friends only; butt = sex only; mid-back = keeper

d) His style:

1. What kind of shoes?
   • Sneakers – he’s either casual or lazy.
   • Deck shoes or something similar: he likes comfort but cares bout his style.
   • Gucci’s or something – he’s more into his style than you, or he’s gay.
2. What kind of shirt? If t-shirt, he’s into casual wear or he’s lazy.
3. Watch? Timex – yeah… lose him

e) Sunglasses and usage?

1. Does he wear his sunglasses at night?

f) His attitude towards kids/pets.

1. First off, does he have pets?
2. Second of all, what does he think about kids?
   • You can’t just ASK him. Every guy will say that he likes kids, because that’s what we want to hear. Instead, test him. Take him to a park, point out the most Satanic-looking kid and say: “Awww, isn’t he such a sweetheart?!” If the answer is positive, then it’s a go-ahead. If he instead says: “Yeah, right, s/he needs to be shot.” Well, you know what to do.

g) What sports does he play? You’ll want to have a guy who cares about his physical fitness so that he doesn’t die and leave you caring for the offerings by yourself.

h) Does he do his own laundry or does he take it home to him mom? If you’re over at this place, check to see if he’s got a laundry room/basket.

i) Can he carry a conversation? I went on a date with a guy – Peter – and during 45 mins, he asked me all of 3 questions. AND, that was after I deliberately stopped talking, and let there be an awkward silence to see if he could muster any questions. After 45 mins, he asked if he wanted to go elsewhere (we were only having a coffee.) I guess he liked awkward silences…

j) What does he think of the Porsche Cayman S? (Just kidding )