A picture is worth < 1000 words: how to write a great on-line profile – Part I
(First, I apologize for the delay in writing a post. It’s been a hectic time for me as I just moved. So, between packing, Halloween, unpacking, and dating, I haven’t had a chance to put the pen to paper. Or, more appropriately, my fingertips to the “home row.” Errr…too geeky? Moving right along then…)
Fact: Most people who on-line date will look only as far as you photo before messaging you. How do I know this? Because I get oodles of messages to the tune of “how r u doing” or form letters that reference nothing from my “awesome” profile (and I will get to just how “awesome” my profile is soon). Also, I have two profiles, with different written description and different photos, and I have received messages from the same guy to both profiles. Fools! Consider the following:
- For those of you who are solely fixated on finding a good-looking mate, the importance lies in having a great photo. So, I suggest if you don’t have any good pictures lying around, to dish out $50-$100 for some professional photographs. Those professional guys definitely know a thing or two about making you look great in still art.
- For the rest of you who are not interested in “just another good looking guy/gal”, you need to spend some time on the written description. In writing about yourself, you have to deviate from the standard, bare your soul, inspire and intrigue, and make people think: “this guy/chick sounds awesome.” If you do this, you will not only get replies, but you will get replies from your “target audience”, if such thing applies to on-line dating.
In my opinion, online dating is not about going out/going through anybody that may come your way, and eliminating them one by one (screening-out). I’m of opinion that it’s about ensuring the right people are messaging you (screening-in.) More on my theory of how “Dating is like Recruiting” in a future post.
Before I get into sample good/bad profiles, here’s a story. I was on PoF a few weeks ago – “doing some research” for the blog. As usual, while you’re active in your session, you get a few messages from guys who are checking out the members that are ONLINE NOW section. So, this dude messages me:
Guy: “how r u doing 2day”
(Keep in mind that this is an e-mail message, not an IM). Right off, I was not only turned off by his style of writing, but also by his profile, which was the generic “new on here, looking to meet some cool people, no drama, etc.” accompanied by a picture of his biceps. I instantly disqualified him as a potential mate, and deleted his message.
Alas, this fish was tenacious, and so he messaged me again. This time, the subject of his message is:
“why r u so mean?”
Feeling snarky and sarcastic, I proceeded to have the following exchange with him:
Me: “because you are only interested in what I look like, and can’t spell”
Guy: “you are being too picky.”
Me: “I’m perfectly happy with that.”
Guy (which got him blocked): “you shouldn’t be, with a nose like that. You should consider getting a nose job”.
(I interject here to say that I’ve had insecurities about my nose since I was 14, and have only gotten over them in the last 2-3 years, so I really couldn’t be bothered with guys who say sh*t like that.)
The purpose of my preamble is to illustrate for you what goes on the “back-end” when a guy message a girl. Keep in mind that I have always been very finicky about the guys I date. At one point, my “guy wish list” included 30 must-haves. I also think writing this blog made me even more picky and judgmental, since I actually have to analyze the losers I am fortune enough to meet. I digress (as always.)
So, along with having a kick-ass profile is the necessity of knowing what your ‘end-goal’ is:
- If you only want others to message you because you look GREAT, then stop at having a great picture.
- If you want people to message you because you sound great from your profile, then photos matters relatively less than what you write
I already mentioned that I have 2 on-line profiles. On my first profile, I answered the generic questions that PoF and other sites recommend: likes/dislikes, favourite activities/music, etc. and attached some really great photos of me. My 2nd profile (to be revealed in future post), I took the time to write a profile that truly reflects myself. Initially, I even thought about not putting up a picture, but since everyone judges the book by its cover, I ended up a “so-so” photo. Mind you, I think that photo is great, but it does make my nose look big 