The man with the magic touch
Shortly after my renewed interest in dating, I had messages from many-a-willing suitors. 4 to be exact! I was ecstatic at the opportunity of bad dates ahead. Truth be told – dating has become like a 2nd job to me – its goal being to entertain you, dear readers. This is probably the wrong mindset, but whatever. I can do whatever I want.
So, I did… and scheduled 4 dates, over a period of 3 days (Friday, Saturday, and Sunday.) In fact, I was so enthused at this opportunity for dating debauchery, that I initially decided I was going to star in my own mini-Bachelorette, whereby I’d present my men with roses to denote my affection/selection for/of them, and gradually eliminate them one-by-one, on a date-by-date basis. The idea was FLAWLESS. Though some critics questioned as to how I was going to pull-off the “Rose Ceremony”, the answer was clear to me. You see, PoF allows users to give “electronic roses.” Genius, right?! Right…
So, my first date – Bachelor # 1 – had some deal breakers: a) he was short (1/2 an inch shorter than I; and b) he was older: 36. Since I typically date older man (10 years out), I wasn’t too fixated on his age. However, the height – or lack thereof – was a lurking concern. Alas, one of my best friends cajoled me with: “give the short ones a chance.”
For our date, we arranged to rendezvous at a local coffee shop, on a Friday night. I was deliberately late (for the date, not with my period). If you can remember, it’s a huge pet peeve of mine when a guy is late. Well, considering none of my dates had ever showed up on time, I decided to rebel and be late myself. Mind you, I was only late by 10 min, AND I messaged him to let him know. I’m clearly a very courteous belated person.
It turns out that Bachelor # 1 was a true gentleman – and graciously forgave my tardiness, so we enjoyed a nice conversation over the next 50 min. He even paid for ½ my drink! (Sarcasm) But, not only was Bachelor # 1 a gentleman – he was also a masseur – I found this out as he accosted me with a surprise hand massage right there, in the middle of the coffee shop. He wasn’t a full-time masseuse… it was just something he did in spare time. In any case, I was only mildly uncomfortable; he did show me his business card before I let him touch me (though didn’t let me keep it….hmmm…).
Fast forward to the end of the date when I decided that Bachelor # 1 was pleasant enough to keep around; at least for another round. So, after the 3 other dates that week-end, I have him a “rose”. He was quite tickled by the whole thing. Unfortunately for him, I had a sudden moral attack and decided that it would be quite mean to string this fella along for the sake of “The Bachelorette” idea. So, I e-mailed him to say that – even though I had a nice time at coffee – I ultimately didn’t feel that I could offer him anything beyond a friendship. I also stated that height and age were factors in my decision making.
In my opinion, I did quite an honourable thing, but his reply didn’t convey that:
“I understand, although you are missing out on the most magical touch of your life. Regardless I was going to reschedule anyways, since I met someone last week who wants to see me again for dinner that night.”
Though very saddened (NOT) that an opportunity for free massages from the man with the magic touch had suddenly evaporated, I felt good about my decision. In fact, I was REALLY tempted to respond sarcastically and wish him all the luck… but I held back. I’ll get my kicks elsewhere.
Dating like a dude
Hello World! It's me... the site admin. I'd like to think that no one knows who I am. Even though, you probably heard about this site because you know me. So, yeah... so much for anonymity.
So, guess what... even though I said I'd wait 'til September, a mixture of curiosity, excess of time on my hands, and ... some envy over Randi's adventures, lead me to precipitate my re-entry into the world of dating. Let me tell you... this world hasn't changed. It's still quite scary; maybe even scarier, since now I'm rusty, having been out of "The Game" for 10 months.
However, 2 week-ends ago, I wasted no time before jumping right onto the playing field... with 4 dates with 4 guys in 1 weekend...and it's even wasn't a long week-end. Yeah... I know, I'm awesome!
This is what one of my friends had once termed as "dating like a dude". Now, of course I don't hold a candle to some of the Don Juans (and - I guess - Don Juanitas) out there. I remember one time a former colleague told me of his friend who scored 14 dates, over a period of 7 days (a girl for lunch, another one for dinner). That really worked out for him, since - in the end - he is (or maybe, by now, was) dating one of the 14.
Anyway, back to me. So, armed with a new online profile (sadly, I've given up on the limerick profile), I dived into the sea of fish, and scheduled myself on a date on Friday, 2 on Saturday, and 1 on Sunday.
Over the next few blog posts, I shall reveal where my adventures led me. From coffee dates, to garage sales, to hand massages in public places, I experienced it all... packed into 1 week-end. So, be sure to check back soon, to find out how dating like a dude has been working out for me.
The people my magnet attracts (part 3… the final chapter)
Dear readers, I’ve now shared with you a couple of stories showing how I attract the crazies and the married folk. Now, I’d like to delve into how to spot/avoid/deal with getting into such traps (if you want to call them that), in this final part of this saga. Keep in mind that these are from my personal experience and are greatly generalized (I’m not talking about YOU, Mr. Perfect-Boyfriend-Material sitting behind your computer screen getting all riled up).
“Two Can Dine” menu (a.k.a. the taken ones):
Taken men are generally looking for something to spice up their now monogamous and seemingly mundane lives. When dealing with a man who’s already in a relationship, HANDLE WITH CAUTION. Whether you know about the significant other or not, there are so many complicating factors. Men in this category are looking to supplement what their relationship is lacking with something you’re able to give them. Usually it’s the following: no pressure to say/do the “right” things, getting what they crave physically, or an emotional/mental understanding. In my case, I figure they’re looking for spice in the bedroom that they’re not getting at home, as I happen to be quite avant-garde in that department.
Signs to Look For:
- He’ll always suggest that you both hang out at your house and not his.
- All your time together has to be planned beforehand. If there’s ANY spontaneity, he’ll initiate it but won’t take you up on your offers to randomly get together.
- You don’t meet his friends or family. If you do meet friends, it’s only a select few of his very closest ones.
- There’s hardly ever any physical contact while in public (exception being if he’s in a long distance relationship where “she” can’t just walk by unexpectedly)
All of these things, while singularly are not something to get overly worried about, when happening from the same man, should give off a fishy odour.
Boundaries:
The boundaries are pretty easy to figure out in this case. Either you’re OK with it or you’re not. If you’re not, run – don’t walk – as fast as you can. If you know about his partner (don’t judge, folks) then you need to prepare yourself to deal with the following:
- No late night texting or calling
- No overtly sexual messages left anywhere that is accessible to his partner
- You’re always on his schedule
- He already has a girlfriend so he’s not going to take on your problems when you feel emotional and needy
- He will NEVER leave her for you. Never. If nothing else, this is the most important thing to remember.
Mad Cow Disease (a.k.a the crazies):
These men are usually looking for “The One” and don’t care what they have to do to get her… in fact, they don’t really care who she is.
Now, the men who are crazy never really show their poker hand until you’ve already made an initial emotional commitment that is often very hard to break. So, you’ve already decided they’re good enough to go out with again. From their perspective, they’re preserving the species so, really, it’s a good evolutionary move. If only they could keep being normal and eschew their slightly psychotic sides! I’ve come to the conclusion that these men are searching hard for their soul mates and don’t really care whom they get: they’ll shave that square peg until it fits snugly into the round hole (Hey! Mind out of the gutter!) Because of their need to find someone, they’ll do just about anything which comes off a bit manic to those of us who are casually floating through life.
Signs to Look For:
- They need to know where you are at any given time
- Unanswered texts, e-mails and phone calls are never sent without a slew of follow-ups (asking how you are, where you are, if you’re dead, what did you think of their last question, did you want to do something tonight, tomorrow, next week, the rest of your life?!)
- They’re insulted easily and get extremely upset by innocent actions or remarks
- When talking about a member of the opposite sex (even if it’s a long time friend), they become quiet, withdrawn, moody or lash out at you
They basically require 100% of your attention every day.
Boundaries:
It’s crucial that when you get an inkling that your relationship has taken on the sort of intensity you weren't looking for/aren't ready for, that you cut it off fast…unless you’re OK with it. You have to set up specific boundaries that you are comfortable with before you end up dealing with someone that feels slighted, then shows up at your door screaming about how they want to burn your house down with you in it. Make sure you outline exactly what you want in simple, easy-to-understand sentences so that there’s no confusion on their part. It's also recommended that these be outlined in both verbal and written forms. Some issues cannot be repeated enough.
The people my magnet attracts (part 2)
Like I said in part 1 of this multi-part post, the other type of people who fancy me are already taken. That is, they are already dating, engaged or married. Strangely, though I have not been able to wrap my head around this phenomenon, I have come to accept it. However, in no way do I condone it. I understand that breaking up is hard to do (and blah, blah, blah) and that sometimes - while your relationship is good overall - there might be something lacking elsewhere. However, I’m not entirely sure why you would stay in a relationship you weren’t happy in and where you needed validation, in whatever form, from someone else.
I first observed that I seem to attract already attached mates shortly after my first serious relationship went south faster than the blue-haired folk when the frost comes, when I quickly became – to put it lightly – like a cat in heat. There was no way I was going to take time to mourn the loss of a relationship that should’ve been over before it even began. I was very young and definitely new to the world of being single (we had been together for over 3 years) so I took any opportunity that was given to me to have… well… all kinds of ridiculously irresponsible fun.
Enter Chester. Chester was a friend of my ex’s, and we had always hit it off swimmingly. Naturally, he was one of the first people I set my horny sights on. Although we didn’t know each other very well, we definitely had the kind of chemistry I was looking for at the time. We spent many nights taking turns sipping out of the same bottle of Jack’s, provocatively dancing with each other into the wee hours, always ending our evenings by engaging in the kinds of activities that would make the Pope blush (or, realistically, condemn us to the fiery reaches of Hell).
One night, I was out at a local dance club when I spotted Chester talking to an old acquaintance whom I hadn’t seen in 4 years! Excitedly, and drunkenly, I stumbled over to where the pair were standing and gave my long lost acquaintance a quick hug. He asked me what I had been doing and, without missing a beat, I replied: “Him!” pointing right at a shocked Chester. Chester looked around nervously while chuckling and asked me to keep it down lest his girlfriend hear me.
My jaw dropped (for different reasons than Chester was used to). Girlfriend?! What girlfriend?! Shocked (and rather upset that I clearly wasn’t going to get any that evening), I tucked my tail between my legs, made an excuse to leave, and slunk back into the crowd of overly happy movers and shakers. After that episode, I’ve taken to careful screening to ensure my playmates are single. But really, that’s not my job. Hence, I share with you my policy/advice on this matter: if you’re taken, keep your hose in your clothes. Same goes for the ladies, with minor adaptations to allow for differences in the anatomy.
The people my magnet attracts (part 1 of… the rest of my life)
It is with great pleasure that I share with you all that my dating magnet attracts the cream of the crop. I can’t make that sentence sound as sarcastic as it really should so I’m not even going to try. I’ve classified the men I meet and who are interested me in two categories: crazy and taken.
I’ll start with crazy because as I write this my cell phone has buzzed to let me know I’ve gotten a text message (Yay! I’m so popular!) from the newest “crazy” man I’ve encountered (Nooo! Not him!).
The circumstances of us meeting are typical of our generation. It seems that my award winning wit and charm came shining through on some photo comments and wall posts on a friend’s Facebook profile. After creeping through all of her photos, Sam asked to be my friend. Seeing which friend we have in common, I automatically accepted (while sending her a “Tell me about this Sam character” message) because if they’re friends of hers than they’ve got to be alright.
Sam and I start talking over Facebook and then eventually texts, as he lives 4 hours away. Despite his professed crush on my sweet personality and stunning beauty, I did tell him that I was ONLY looking for friendship. I outlined that I love being single, I don’t long distance date and that I was moving away in the fall to start college life (yay!). He claimed to understand but it started becoming clear that his and my definition of “friend” were from two completely opposite dictionaries.
As time (we’re talking only weeks, if not days) went on I was getting sappy poetry written about me, YouTube song links dedicated on his Facebook wall (and mine!) and texts saying “when we meet let’s get married”, all of which addressed me as one pet name or another (I’m convinced he didn’t know my name as he never used it). I nipped it in the bud and sent off a quick message saying that this was becoming too much for me to handle and that it was best if we cut all ties.
His reaction? Over the top, to say the least. He systematically deleted me from his life one social networking tool at a time, all the while sending me nasty, rude messages. I was told in no particular order: I was a terrible person, I set out to break his heart days before his birthday, I was cold-hearted, a tramp, and how not only was he happy about it but he thought I deserved every time a boyfriend had cheated on me. Not only that, he informed me that he never really liked me anyways (HA! I have several poems, a handful of love songs and a $20 incoming text bill that all say otherwise, bucko).
Two days later, I got an apology via text. It was clear he hadn’t expected me to stand my ground because my “I appreciate your apology but I do not and will not accept it” response was met with yet another tirade about how horrid I am. Talk to the hand because the face don’t wanna listen, Sam.
Introducing Randi…with an “i”
I'M SINGLE! Weeee! After a 2-year period of being "Sally Single" I had recently jumped into a relationship. Needless to say, I realized that I was better off not having done this, and so I jumped right back out. Who knows if it was him or me, either way it didn’t work so onwards and upwards! Being single, however, is not the only thing that makes me awesome. I’m a 22 year old humourous, kind-hearted, open, honest working gal living in this fair city of ours. After a 3-year hiatus from school - during which I was a full-time contributor to the EI fund - I’ll be heading back to college in the Fall! I’m sure a lot of stories will follow from my experiences with this big change so hold on to whatever hat adorns your head.
As for my singledom, I have an interesting take on dating and the other extracurricular activities that accompany such outings. I love to date, meet new people and have fun. This has led me on many dating adventures starring a plethora of one-date-wonders. I’ve been told by many friends that I “think like a stereotypical guy” in that my motto is: Get In, Get Off, Get Out. Although I bi-weekly threaten to bat for the other team, I love the opposite sex too much to make good on my word.
Underneath it all (now that Shakira song is stuck on repeat in my head) I’m still a hopeless romantic who believes that somewhere out there is a white knight on a tall steed ready to sweep me off my feet. Let me tell you, I’ve kissed a lot of toads trying to find that knight (or prince? ...either will do). Many of the following posts will be about these questionable choices as well as a few tips about the big bad dating world I’ve picked up along the way. Hope to keep you all entertained while at work... bonus points if you check out my tales at home!