The people my magnet attracts (part 2)
Like I said in part 1 of this multi-part post, the other type of people who fancy me are already taken. That is, they are already dating, engaged or married. Strangely, though I have not been able to wrap my head around this phenomenon, I have come to accept it. However, in no way do I condone it. I understand that breaking up is hard to do (and blah, blah, blah) and that sometimes - while your relationship is good overall - there might be something lacking elsewhere. However, I’m not entirely sure why you would stay in a relationship you weren’t happy in and where you needed validation, in whatever form, from someone else.
I first observed that I seem to attract already attached mates shortly after my first serious relationship went south faster than the blue-haired folk when the frost comes, when I quickly became – to put it lightly – like a cat in heat. There was no way I was going to take time to mourn the loss of a relationship that should’ve been over before it even began. I was very young and definitely new to the world of being single (we had been together for over 3 years) so I took any opportunity that was given to me to have… well… all kinds of ridiculously irresponsible fun.
Enter Chester. Chester was a friend of my ex’s, and we had always hit it off swimmingly. Naturally, he was one of the first people I set my horny sights on. Although we didn’t know each other very well, we definitely had the kind of chemistry I was looking for at the time. We spent many nights taking turns sipping out of the same bottle of Jack’s, provocatively dancing with each other into the wee hours, always ending our evenings by engaging in the kinds of activities that would make the Pope blush (or, realistically, condemn us to the fiery reaches of Hell).
One night, I was out at a local dance club when I spotted Chester talking to an old acquaintance whom I hadn’t seen in 4 years! Excitedly, and drunkenly, I stumbled over to where the pair were standing and gave my long lost acquaintance a quick hug. He asked me what I had been doing and, without missing a beat, I replied: “Him!” pointing right at a shocked Chester. Chester looked around nervously while chuckling and asked me to keep it down lest his girlfriend hear me.
My jaw dropped (for different reasons than Chester was used to). Girlfriend?! What girlfriend?! Shocked (and rather upset that I clearly wasn’t going to get any that evening), I tucked my tail between my legs, made an excuse to leave, and slunk back into the crowd of overly happy movers and shakers. After that episode, I’ve taken to careful screening to ensure my playmates are single. But really, that’s not my job. Hence, I share with you my policy/advice on this matter: if you’re taken, keep your hose in your clothes. Same goes for the ladies, with minor adaptations to allow for differences in the anatomy.