The guy with more than a gay twang?!
Hopefully, the title I’ve chosen for this article will become self-explanatory as you read on.
So, this date was the 2nd date of my Bachelorette-style weekend. Bachelor #2’s (John’s) profile had been a bag of mixed goodies. His photos told a million different tales, but the written portion showed him to be a family oriented man, with other values similar to mine. So, despite the mixed feeling I got from the photographic portion of his profile, I decided to give John a chance and go on a date.
My date idea was ingenious - obviously. I am pretty amazing at coming up with ingenious date ideas, and I really topped myself on this one. See, I love garage sales. I think they’re a source of all sorts of marvels. John also happened to prefer garage sales to IKEA. So, we decided, early on Saturday, to go on a Garage Sale Tour (much like a Winery Tour). I mapped out our route, and he provided the Car and the GPS. Team work! We were off to a good start...
CAUTION: Kids, if you try this at home, make sure there at least one person who knows where you’re going, and with whom. Also recommended is to arrange a “test call” i.e. a friend calls you during the date, and if you’re desperate to bail, you pretend they’re having a baby and GTFO . If not, you politely tell your friend that you’re busy and will call them back later. Simple. I’ve done it hundreds of times. (Okay, not hundreds..)
We commenced our date around 9ish on a sunny Saturday morning. John was late - naturally. I’ve come to expect as much. Mind you, I gave him the benefit of doubt, since he’d only moved to Ottawa 3 weeks prior, and was unsure of the route to take to our rendez-vous location.
My first impression of John was: tall, someone unkempt in style, and… has a gay twang. Oh my God! Like…you must know what I’m talking about., riiiight? Now, don’t get me wrong, just like Lady Gaga, I love my gays. But, there is a certain style of speak that has become associated with gay men. And John had it. But okay, not a biggie. On a scale of deal breakers, his unkempt style scored higher. Sure enough, we instantly clicked when it came to our conversation. I made jokes, and he got them. He made obscure references to TV shows and I totally know what he was talking about (Cool Hwip anyone?) Basically we had a gay ol’ time.
In fact our date lasted over 4 hours. For 4 hours we travelled from one garage sale to the next, browsing, chatting, sometimes buying, sometimes not. We probably travelled 100kms in the one day. Not bad for a first date, eh?
Even though I had all but forgotten about my date’s speaking style, the gayness of it all could not be avoided, and eventually reared its head once again (absolutely no pun indented.) I don’t remember exactly how the topic got started, but John was telling about how he had - at one point - worked with a Newfie guy (I grew up in Newfoundland) - Steve, and while he liked and respected Steve, Steve did not reciprocate. This statement was followed up with: “I think it’s because he felt threatened; I think he thought I could get more guys than him.” When I heard that statement, I froze and prayed that I had misheard. But no - luckily for me - John clarified that Steve was gay, and actually felt that John was such a friendly guy, so he could get more guys than him. OMG, like...?
What’s a girl to do at this point? We’re in a car together, about 50kms from home. I just nodded with fake empathy. In my head, I was frantically reviewing John’s PoF profile, and the messages we had exchanged prior to our date. Did he mention he was only looking for friendship? Was he bi? WHAT DID I MISS?
To make things worse, we continued on this subject and John went to explain that he liked going to gay bars, etc. So, playing along, I asked if he knew any gay people/bars in Ottawa, ‘cause if not, I could totally introduce him to some of my friends, and that I had been hanging out with my gay friends as recently as the night before (which was true). I’m real not sure if he took me up on my offer at the time. But I confess to you, during that portion of our conversation, I became 100% convinced that John was gay. 100%.
Then, in a typical first-date-faux-pas fashion, John mentioned an ex-girlfriend. I throw my hands up in my confusion, and leave this article at that.
How it ends: we ended up going on date 2 together (just because I felt I could only eliminate 1 bachelor in this round, and John wasn’t it. Yes, there was a worse date. After the 2nd date, I confessed that I wouldn’t want to be anything more than friends with him. We hung out once more after that, during which time I became convinced that John’s lifestyle wouldn’t be a welcome addition to my life, neither in friend or boyfriend capacity. So, I let communication with him trickle to a stop. He sent me a few text messages to which I never replied. Cowardly, yes, but I didn’t want to hurt his feelings.)