How to be single The experiential dating advice blog

The Height of the Matter

(Sorry for the delay in between posts. In my defense, I studied and wrote the GMAT this summer, so I have a good excuse. I have, however, been sitting on this article for quite a bit of time. The next one is going to be very fun and will be posted VERY shortly!)

This article can be as short as “Women like tall men. Deal with it.” But if it were, then I’d be out of a job, so I’ll elaborate. As the title alludes, this post is all about height, or in this particular case, lack thereof, and men who lie about it. I mean, c’mon: do you really think we won’t be able to tell you’re 5’8” and not 6’3” like you said in your profile? What a way to start a relationship!  

Before I launch into my story, let’s examine some facts: average height of a Canadian male is 5.8’’; average height of a Canadian female is 5’4”. There is no need to conduct a thorough demographics study to witness this trend in action in Ottawa: men here are short! That is a tall statement (pun intended) but, you must understand that my benchmark is my own height, which is 5’9”. And, I love to wear ridiculous heels, which oftentimes makes me – as my friends call it – a giant.

There’s probably a convoluted psychological explanation for why women prefer tall men. A Washington Post article I had read in researching this issue states that height is a ‘status’ symbol, which is – according to the evolutionary perspective – women look for in a potential mate.

Before you all you men go “you’re a typical woman, judging us men by our physical appearance, without giving us a chance”, give me the benefit of the doubt: I’ve tried – I really have – dating shorter men. I just can’t! I have nightmares that I might crush someone. I should probably see a shrink for that… Besides, when you guys stop judging us by the size/shape of our T&A, we’ll think twice about judging you by your height. Deal? (I have a male friend who says he only dates ‘ballerina type girls’. How’s that for judging a book by its cover?)

Now, let’s get to the juicy part of the story, which is my recent date with Josh. Josh messaged me on Lavalife, and he seemed very nice. His photos were …OK. I tend to place a lower emphasis on photos, providing they show some potential. Let’s face it, we are not all photogenic. I definitely am not; my sister got the entirety of that gene from our mother.

Josh’s profile was very witty. He was honest, a little arrogant, but COHERENT. A man who could string together a sentence without spelling mistakes whilst employing appropriate punctuation and capitalization! In any case, his “basics” were admirable: 28, 6’2”, employed, non-smoker, etc. As these things go, we exchanged a few messages before finally deciding to meet. I was pumped: I was going on a date with a tall guy. So, I permitted myself to wear my heels.

We decide to meet at a local gelato place. I got there first. As soon as he walked in, my heart sank. He didn’t have to come close for me to know that he wasn’t 6’2”. OK, he was like 5’11”, not a deal breaker by any means, but my disappointment was rooted in the fact that I was expecting someone who was 6’2” and had worn heels in expectation of it. So, I was disappointed, but that didn’t let me get in the way of wanting to have a good date, so I put on my happy face and proceeded to date Josh.

In honesty, he was a really nice person. We had a few things in common, and our differences made for good debates. As far as dates go, this was a good one. But, deep down, I knew that Josh wasn’t the guy for me. Based on things I had learned about him, I knew that this was not a guy who would ‘complement’ my personality/my life. I’ve gone on many-a-date to know what habits and characteristics to screen for. So, at the end of the date, even though we simply hugged and commented on a mutual good time, I knew that there would be no Date #2.

However, the fact that Josh had lied about his height, just made me uneasy, and so I proceeded to quiz all my friends – both male and female – what they thought of this situation. Most just said that there’s no way he could have made a mistake, and he was just probably a douche. I also asked an old male roommate – who is 5’6 (or 5’7 when he wears the shoes, as he likes to boast) – if he had ever considered lying about his height. His response shocked me. He replied: “Yup, considered it… but chose not to…because first face-to-face impressions are hard enough I don't want to poison it with immediate disappointment.” YES, I thought … that’s exactly what I had felt. I pressed on further, determined to get to the bottom of male psyche (as if!): “Ifyou had lied about your height, would you have actively pursued someone who is at your actual or slightly above your height, for the fear they will totally know the truth?” Him: “Definitely not.”

After some more probing, I decided to confront Josh, to understand why he lied (and also to make this story bloggable). So, a day or two later, I wrote him a polite e-mail stating that while I had a good time, I did not think we had enough in common to warrant a 2^nd date. As a PS, I added:

I'm not sure how to do this in a societally-polite way, but are you aware that you're not actually 6' 2" like you say in your profile? A lot of guys don't really know their real height (c'mon, how many of you ever go to the doctor!) so I didn't know if it was your guesstimate, or if you deliberately fudged on that fact.

This is where it gets interesting, as Josh replied:

 “I'm actually 5'11" and ¾” and so I round up to 6'0”. I entered 6'0 into my profile way back before metric became the Lavalife default.  I distinctly remember seeing 6'0 in my profile. However I do not know my height in cm and so there must have been a conversion mix up and I just didn't notice. I do my very best to present an accurate profile of myself because the truth will come out soon enough. I am keenly aware that a man's height (among other things) is a huge factor in a woman's sexual attraction to him.  The fact that you noticed this is proof that it is an important trait! I did not intentionally try to mislead you or anyone else for that matter. Thank you for pointing that out. I will correct it.”

Of interest to you readers, should be the fact that Lavalife allows you to enter your height in both metric and imperial measures. And, in fact, by default, the height is displayed in feet and inches, not in centimeters. In any case, to me that response seemed just odd enough to start to contrive conspiracy theories. However, I am naïve and decided that his mistake was as innocent as I am

Although, a few days later, I went back to see if he had changed it, only to find that he had blocked me. Smart. But wait… I then asked a friend who had a Lavalife profile to check, and she confirmed that he had in fact corrected it to 6’0”.

In any case, the point of this article is – when it comes to online dating – fudging on facts like body shape, height, or age, is a BAD idea. But just because I said it, ain’t going to make it go away. In fact, a Communications Professor interviewed for that Washington Post article suggests that eliminating deception all together is a bad idea, and calls lying a ‘social lubricant’. I guess I won’t be dating YOU, Professor!

Here’s another funny story about someone who lied about his height: http://us99country.radio.com/2011/05/05/do-men-really-lie-about-their-height/