Different Area Codes (Part 3)
Dear audience, out of respect for those going through a dry-spell, I will spare you the detailed play-by-play (although the details are juicy) of James’ and my hook-up.
After the fireworks ended, my friend went home early so I was relieved from my duty of being the “responsible” single girl I’d been in the days leading up to this moment. What followed played out like a typical (though raunchy) young adult rom-com: James and I finally got it on. At the post Canada Day party. Although – and I blush as I admit this – our tryst was a bit premature…Yes, my dear readers, I was, not reluctantly, lured into the coat room, pre-party, where we got it on… on the pile of other partygoers’ jackets.
OK, realistically I wasn’t lured (I definitely came – no pun intended – willingly). And it wasn’t the “coat room”; it was the host’s room (even worse! some might say!). There were also no jackets there, because it was a warm summer’s night. However, there was a lot of inappropriateness going down. I was pleasantly surprised that “the game” that I had thought James lacked outside the bedroom, definitely reared its head in the bedroom.
After my Canada Day fireworks, James and I saw one another once more before I left. As my vacation was ending, I invited him to our rooming quarters for the last night that we were there. Despite the fact that my friend enjoyed James’ company and found him almost as charming – and definitely as funny – as I thought he was, she was skeptical of the awkward situation that his presence would precipitate. But James – bless his something – had a plan.
When faced with the obvious wingman situation, it is imperative that you proceed with caution because you never know if your friend and the wingman will get along. There is nothing worse than alienating either of the parties and – James was astute enough to realize this – I wasn’t going to ditch my friend so that he could satisfy all my needs, while she sat on the sidelines, pondering all the things her boyfriend could be doing to her, had she just. stayed. home. So, he brought in reinforcement.
His friend was funny and charming and – in normal circumstance – amazing wingman material. However, there was one thing that made the friend/wingman combination impossible: he was single, she was not. He was a classic wingman and would perform well whilst picking up in a bar. However, he was no match for my friend, who is naturally predisposed to hating men, especially those sent in to charm the pants off of her (literally). I could tell my friend was in no mood to deal with the situation, and that she was putting on a brave face. Against my better judgment, I succumbed to a little bit of insanity, as I allowed myself to be talked into some quick fun while the impossible duo was otherwise occupied.
As some – who have experienced this – know, there isn’t really anywhere to go, to be alone, when you’re living in an unfurnished house with an inflatable mattress for your sleeping arrangements. Keeping this in mind, James and I chose the backseat of his car. Yes, it seems that the whole “young adult” romance theme was going to stick after all. After the steamy session was over (complete with a hand print down the window à la “Titanic”) we both exited the car only to be caught red-handed by our friends, who had been wondering where we had disappeared to, and came looking for us. The night ended shortly thereafter as we were all tired (James and I for the obvious reasons). So, with a quick kiss, a wave good bye, and a promise to get together again, James got back into the car we’d just exited, and drove away.
By the end of my vacation tryst, I knew that – not only did I have a hoe in a different area code – I would definitely be back for mo’.
Different Area Codes (Part 2)
The night James and I met, we hit it off.
Hit it to first base! FIRST BASE!? I know, right? I showed self-restraint for once in my life, in spite of the tempting, succulent piece of man meat dangling (not literally… that would’ve been awkward) in front of me. I’ll admit that the reason nothing more happened, was because of my friend and the grudging respect I have for those that inadvertently find themselves in “third wheel” situations. Horny as I might be, I respect and pity the poor person who has to sleep alone (or watch) while their friend is ripping the clothes of a guy she just met in the hallway just outside her door. I’m that great a friend.
As days went by, and that night faded into not-so-distance memories, James turned out to be quite different from what I had first though – away from the bright lights of male machismo. He was an enigma wrapped in a puzzle with a killer sense of humor that kept me constantly on my toes. His arrogance broke away to show someone caring and genuinely interested in what was being discussed. He was quiet and watched carefully the things that went on around him. While he examined his surroundings, I examined him. (OK, that sounds like I was a major creeper. I didn’t watch him from the bushes outside of his house or anything. I promise.) What did I notice while I was being a creeper? The man had absolutely no game. “Fake it till you make it” must’ve been his mantra that first night, which had be convinced that I had been talking to a douchebag player (I hate both the player AND the game). But, as time passed, I was amusingly confused by James’ fumbling awkwardness. He seemed like he had no idea how to handle the subtle flirtations I was channeling, and his responses equated those of a high school kid, with clammy sweaty palms. I gave, and still do give, him credit for trying because he did fake it till he made it (or, rather, made OUT. Heyo!)
After that first night, we texted back-and-forth, as is typical of our generation, and agreed to see each other again on Canada Day. This time, James would be visiting my area code, as we all know that no one does Canada Day like our Nation’s capital. My friend and I were happy we had the hometown advantage when it came to the celebrations. After spending a day on the beach and getting last minute tattoos (yes, last minute decision tattoos; the crazy Ottawa girls were on a rampage of randomness that caught the guys by surprise), we were on our way to the fireworks display that was sure to disappoint. The lesson I had already learned about the city and its occupants should’ve resonated with me as I was preparing myself to be disappointed (for those of you that skipped the mushy part, the lesson was: don’t assume, be prepared for the unexpected).
The fireworks were astounding. The park was packed with the whole city watching but I felt like the only girl there. You see, there were fireworks going on both in the sky and on the ground, where I was snuggled next to James. While he offered commentary throughout the show, we stole quick kisses that had me wishing we really were alone. Later that night, we got the chance...
Different Area Codes (Part 1)
I have to start this post off by apologizing. My life has been hectic since starting school and I’ve totally slacked on my reporting of being the fun, fearless, single lady that I am. So for that, I am deeply sorry. I’m happy though that howtobesingle has been able to satiate your appetites with her stories. This story is a blast from the not so distant past. Here goes...
I met James in the summer, when I vacationed in his city. The way we met will be forever one of the most memorable and hilarious moments in my life. You see, James and his friends were ripping up the downtown core for a friend’s birthday. They got dropped off in front of the restaurant where my friend and I had taken refuge, after a futile night of trying to find the local hotspot (it was a Tuesday night so I suppose our mission was doomed to fail from the very beginning). James and his friend, who was not only limping, but also walking with the help of a cane, exited their vehicle. My friend and I saw the cane and, being the politically correct sheep that Ottawa has trained us to be, quickly looked away so as not to offend the crippled man. As if picking up on our discomfort at having a poor handicapped man in front of us, the man walked right up to the window, smiled and waved. We sheepishly waved back and that’s when the shenanigans started.
James (who, at that time, was unknown to us) quickly started a fight with his friend. The fight was clearly choreographed and fake but it readily dissolved all the tension, as my friend and I erupted into breathtaking laughter. Just as quickly as it had started, it ended. The boys marched off down the road, never to be seen again... or so we thought.
Five minutes later, the group of them entered the restaurant and walked towards our table.
I was immediately struck by the arrogant confidence that James exuded. It was in the way he walked, the way he slid easily into the booth beside me and the slick charm that dripped with his every word. His eyes sparkled with mischief, and I was instantly hooked. The rest of the night was spent doubled over giggling at everything that the group of debauchers said and did. When it came to humour, it was natural to this group and I was getting drunk on the endorphins released with each smile (well, I was drunk on other things too…). Though his arrogance was prevalent, it was evident that James and I also had chemistry. No surprise there; I’d always fallen for the douchebags so this was basically par for the course (damn you, daddy issues!).
When the restaurant finally closed and it was time to go home, so my friend and I excused ourselves for the walk back. James wasn’t ready to let the evening end so he asked us to come back for the birthday boy’s after party. By then my friend (who is happily in a long-term relationship) was exhibiting signs of a) sleepiness and b) annoyance of the third wheel scenario that was unraveling. Being the most amazing friend that I am, I declined for the both of us. James was having none of it and kept insisting that the night shouldn’t end. His arrogance was suddenly, albeit momentarily, eclipsed by a ray of boyish desperation that had me intrigued. He offered to walk us home, and that was an offer I couldn’t refuse. I knew, in that instant, that I had a ho in a different area code. (I hope you’re paying attention… this is gonna be important in Part 2.)
… Part 3 of 3: “Sucks to be you”
Sucks to be me? WTF?!
Let’s collectively explore the following scenario: pretend that you’re a guy, and you’re been on a date with a girl 4-5 times, but nothing major has happened. The most you’ve done is kissed… once. You’re talking to her one day via SMS, and you find out that she’s sick, what’s your instinctive response?
Answer: _____________________________ (100 points)
When I surveyed (many) friends, the answers were fairly unanimous, ranging from verbal well-wishing (“Awww, that’s too bad. Feel better soon.”), to some sort of outward gesture of caring (i.e. offers to bring soup over.) NOT ONCE…in my informal data collection did anyone say: “I would say to her: ‘sucks to be you.’”… which is what I got from Darryl.
That statement – of which I was on the receiving end – is further exacerbated by the fact that when he was sick just a few days before, I did offer my sympathies as per societal expectations. In the end, it was just this sucky and tactless remark that did Darryl in. Once I got the “sucks to be you”, I bluntly retored: “Well, that’s rude,” then launched into a detailed list of his deficiencies leading up to the inevitable “I don’t want to talk to you anymore.”
However, that remark was only the final nail on the proverbial coffin. Here are some other things that Darryl did that helped prematurely (or perhaps postmaturely) end our relationship; acts that I urge both boys and girls to abstain from:
A kiss is a kiss is a kiss
… unless of course, you think it’s not. Modern society prevalently paints women as the more clingy of the sexes. But, I assure you, men can be overzealous too. At this point, I want to admit to all that I DID IT. I kissed Darryl. Once. Why? Because I wasn’t sure if we had any chemistry between us, so I wanted to see if there was a spark once our lips met. This was clearly a mistake, because ensuing conversations – which were mostly of me telling Darryl that I really only want to be friends – were met with the following question: “then why did you kiss me?”
Did I miss something here? Has there been some sort of major societal reform since the last time I had kissed a man (July 2010)? Does kissing a guy now mean that I am committing to having babies with him? I didn’t think so….
White picket fence dreams
As the name implies, it is usually the women usually make plans for the happily-ever-after (i.e. a hubby, 2 ½ kids, a dog… middle to upper-class living, etc.) Men…make plans for their fantasy football leagues. The vice versa, doesn’t happen. Or does it? Apparently so!
During one of our initial dates, I had told Darryl that I was planning on going back to school in 2 years (2012). He was cool with that… ‘cause he himself was very career minded, and wanted the same in his partner. Keep in mind here, that before the below-mentioned conversation took place, I was fresh from telling Darryl that what I wanted most was to be friends and nothing else (at least not now). Can you imagine my surprise, when the following wordy exchange took place early, one Sunday morning, as he messaged me to cancel our breakfast date, because he was sick?
Darryl: “It’s too bad that I have to cancel; I was really looking forward to seeing you.”
Me: “Oh, well… I’m not going anywhere. At least not for 2 years!” (Jokingly, referring to the fact that I’m probably going to go away for school after 2 years)
Darryl: “Oh, where are you going?”
Me: “Right now? On my way downtown to retrieve my car. I left it there last night because I had been drinking.” (I obviously understood what he meant by ‘right now’, and chose to play the dumb card.)
Darryl: “No silly. Where are you going in 2 years?”
Me: “School. Remember?”
Darryl: “Oh right. I wish I could come with you. Maybe I can come visit you..."
In case you’re wondering, yes… he was actually expressing his wish to come with me, when I went back to school 2 years from now. Failing that, he did really want to come visit... in 2 years... when I was back in school. Maybe I'm just getting my knickers in a knot, but when that exchange took place, I chose to run the other way (thought, at that point, only figuratively.)
In hindsight, I could’ve predicted that Mr. Texty-Text was a clinger. After all, during the 100 questions, he did mention a one-night stand he’d had, and along with it his righteous disappointment that she had never called him back. At that time, I was too “reserved” to point out that “isn’t that the whole point of one night stands?” Not that I would know anything about that…
And so, my time with Bachelor #4 was certainly the most memorable, but for all the wrong reasons. This experience also left me quite discouraged about dating, and so I hadn’t gone on a date since then.
I will let Randi take over the blog for the next little while, and I assure you that she’ll keep you more than entertained.
… Part 2 of 3: 100 questions to ask a man before making an emotional commitment
Before I launch into the “meaty” part of this post, I'll provide some background: In the past while, I’ve been indulging in something I like to call: introspection, extrospection, and retrospection. In layman’s term’s, it’s called self-analysis. In doing so, I noticed a somewhat disturbing trend: I tend to “emotionally commit” to a guy, before realizing that he has the sort of deal breakers that ought to make me run in the opposite direction once they are in the open. Let's define what I mean by "emotional commitment":
Emotional commitment: it is the turning point in your relationship beyond which you’re willing to fight to save the relationship rather than give up on it.
So, I began to contemplate how to unearth deal breakers of a potential mate, prior to emotionally committing to him. The difficulty herein is that – habitually – it takes time to get to know someone; it’s a gradual process. Consequently, the longer it takes to learn about someone, the greater the probability that I will have emotionally committed to that guy before the deal breakers are revealed. Let's be honest here: we only show our good sides during the "honeymoon" stage of the relationship.
Allow me to provide a concrete example of this emotional commitment problem: the last guy I dated was a smoker. I am so against smoking, that I usually don’t even consider going on a first date with a smoker. However, in this situation, the fact that he smoked was revealed on Date 2 – by then, we had already had 1 ½ great dates. Furthermore, during this 2nd date, he was convincingly adamant of his intent to quit. So, I decided to give him a chance. He never did quit, and that was definitely one of the major reasons for our breakup.
To segue [pronounced: sey-gwey or seg-wey] back to Darryl, I had come up with this emotional commitment theory shortly before going on date(s) with him. Therefore, he was the perfect guinea pig for my solution to this problem. The solution, hereby to be known as my chef d’oeuvre, is:
100 Questions to Ask a Man Before Making an Emotional Commitment
Now, administering these questions (see below) can be a tricky manner. This was especially difficult as a first instance of this exercise (which I intend to continue.) In fairness to Darryl, I warned him about it, and actually asked him to come up with 100 questions to ask me. I also was completely honest with him as to why I was doing it.
So, we did it (NO, we didn’t actually do it) across multiple dates, sitting across from one another, and firing questions at each other in a staccato manner. In hindsight, I'd say it's best to deliver these questions in a more indirect way, worked into the flow of the "get to know you" conversation. However, whatever the deliver you choose, you MUST NOT lose sight of the goal of this exercise. Therefore, I at the very least, suggest having a concrete set of questions.
DISCLAIMER: below you will find my 100 questions that I intend to ask men before making the repeatedly aforementioned “emotional commitment”. Not all of the questions are deal breakers; in fact only about 10% are, and they are cleverly disguised. If you choose to engage in a similar exercise, I urge you to do some personal reflection and figure out what questions to ask, that would reveal potential deal breakers. Without further ado... enjoy!
100 Questions to Ask a Man Before Making an Emotional Commitment.
General
- How many times have you been in love?
- What is your best characteristic?
- What is your worst characteristic (as cited by girls that have broken up with you)?
- What is the most hurtful thing someone has ever said to you?
- Have you ever been angry enough to get into a physical fight?
- Do you make friends easily?
- What are you doing now that will help you achieve your long-term goals?
- What is the best gift you’ve ever given?
- What is the best gift you’ve ever received?
- What are characteristics are you looking for in a partner? Name 5.
- What is your favorite Disney movie?
- How do you feel about PDA’s? To what extent? (i.e. hand-holding, kissing, making out, dry-humping, etc.)
- Do you like to dance?
- Would you ever take dance lessons?
- When was the last time you got piss drunk?
- Do you think you have a good sense of style?
- Favourite clothing brand & store?
- Do you like hosting parties/dinners?
- Do you play video games? If ‘yes’ how much?
- What is your “type”?
- Are you a leader or a follower?
- Does it matter what your family/friends think of the person you’re dating?
- How much do you care about others’ opinion (non just in matters of dating)?
- Do you have a best friend(s)?
- Do you like camping?
- Do you get jealous?
- Would you do “anything” for love?
- Do you watch: The Simpsons? Family Guy? Trailer Park Boys? Real Life?
- What is the worst thing you’ve ever done while in a relationship?
- Do you spit in public?
- Do you consider yourself a good driver? (i.e. do you tailgate?)
- Do you floss?
- Do you generally have good or bad breath?
- Do you go for regular physical exams?
- What is your creative outlet?
- Do you like learning new things?
- What’s your definition of compromise?
- Do you recycle/compost?
- Do you like costume parties?
- How do you feel about yourself?
- Do you consider yourself a romantic? What’s the most romantic gesture you’ve ever made?
- Which do you prefer: big spoon or small spoon?
- How many employers have you had in the last 10 years?
- Do you have a criminal record? Have you ever been arrested?
- How many girls have you lived with?
- Have you ever seen a psychiatrist/psychologist for any issues in the past?
- Have you/would you ever consider living/working in a different city and/or country?
- What is your favourite book?
- What’s your biggest fear?
- Do you believe that there’s only one person for everyone out there, or we can make it work with different people, in different ways?
- Do you ever have trouble expressing your feelings?
- What irritates you?
- What is the nicest thing someone’s ever said to you?
Family:
- Do you have a history of any diseases or illnesses in your family?
- Who is your role model?
- Are your grandparents still alive?
- How many kids do you want (ideally)?
- What’s your favourite childhood memory?
- Do you remember your when are parents’ birthdays?
- How did your parents meet?
- Do your parents ever fight?
- Do you give money to charity, or do any charitable work?
Lifestyle:
- How do you feel about health and fitness?
- Do you respond to nagging or encouragement?
- How would you describe your cleanliness: are you OCD clean? Very clean, moderately clean, or just whatever? (Explain difference between clean and tidy here. Good follow on question is: how often do you dust, clean your bathroom, sweep/vacuum)
- What does your room look like right now?
- Do you like to travel? Where would you like to travel to?
- How much do you love money? (Alternate question: what, to you, is “enough” money?)
- Do you have any savings?
- How do you feel about debt?
- Have you ever done hard drugs?
- Do you make up your bed in the morning?
- Do you clean the toilet bowl?
- Do you like the arts?
- Do you ever go to the NAC for performances; if yes, what kinds?
- Have you ever been fired from a job?
- Do you budget?
- Have you ever filed for bankruptcy? Would you ever?
- If you lost all your possessions today, how would you feel? What would you do?
Values:
- Do you believe in marriage?
- What are your feelings towards living together before marriage?
- What are your feelings towards divorce?
- How necessary is it for the person you marry to take on your last name?
- Have you ever stolen money?
- What is the most “ethical” thing you’ve ever done?
Sex-related:
- What are you thoughts towards safe sex? Have you ever had unprotected sex?
- Have you ever worn/or had the urge to wear women’s lingerie?
- Have you ever had sex (of any kind) with another man?
- Do you have any non-standards sexual fetishes?
- On a scale of 1 to 10, how much do you like blowjobs?
- How many sexual partners have you had in the past?
- Hold old were you when you first had sex?
- Have you ever had a 3-some, or more?
- Have you ever gotten a girl pregnant (that you know of)?
- How often do you think is “normal” to have sex in a relationship?
- Do you watch porn?
- Have you ever paid for sex?
- Have you ever filmed a sex act which you were part of? If yes, can I see it?
- Have you ever had any STIs? Do you get tested often?
- How many one-night-stands have you had?
From OK to bad to ugly: Part 1 of 3
Dear friends, we’ve now come to Date 4 of my 4-date weekend. Bachelor #4’s name was Darryl and he magically managed to piss me off even before we had ARRANGED a date. My standards must’ve really hit rock bottom by that time, since I had still agreed to go on a date with him. He – in fact – pissed me off so much that I figuratively jumped down his throat via SMS. Let me back up and explain:
After we exchanged contact info, it soon became apparent that Darryl was Mister Texty-Text. And – let me tell you – it’s not like he shared with me the meaning of life via SMS; his texts were irrelevant and meaningless. And he just kept texting me and texting me and texting me. At first, I thought it was cute, but let’s face it, THIS…
1:32 PM SMS # 1: Hi
1:35 PM SMS #2: How are you?
1:38 PM SMS # 3: What are you doing now?
1:42 PM SMS #4: I’m working.
1:50 SMS #5: It’s not very busy here at work.
… is only cute for the first 5 min. I didn’t say anything right away … I mean I hadn’t even met the guy. I let him go on for a bit, while trying to telepathically and physically (by not responding), encourage him into silence. But, Darryl was incorrigible. So, finally, when he texted me ...
3:15 PM SMS #1: What are you up to now?
3:16 PM SMS #2: Hello?
3:20 PM SMS #3: What’s up?
3:23 PMSMS #4:….
… not 2 hours later, something inside me snapped and I replied with:
“I’ll tell you what’s up. These text messages aren’t doing anything for me. AND, I don’t have unlimited texts.”
(I was super pissed off; I actually didn’t care if he texted me back at this point.)
He texts back:
“Sorry. Can I call you instead?”
Feeling half-stupid, half-guilty, I texted back saying that I would much prefer that, and apologizing for the harshness and inappropriateness of my retort. In hindsight, I should have just ignored him. So, he did call me later that night, and we arranged to meet up for a beer the following evening (Sunday).
By the time Sunday evening rolled ‘round, I was exhausted because I’d already been on 3 dates in the last 48 hours, and I had one more to go. But, who’ve I had to blame but myself?! Nevertheless, I was tired and eager to get the date with Mister Texty-Text over with. Deep down, I actually hoped that it wouldn’t go well. There’s something to be said for self-fulfilling prophecy…
We had decided to meet for a beer at the local brewpub. I was 2 minutes late for the date. He was later than late. (When will I stop being surprised by that fact?) But, when he finally walked in, he looked… OK. There was potential. We started chatting, ordered a couple of beers, and were generally having a good time. He was funny… in that dry sarcastic way that never fails to entice me. Honestly I enjoyed my date with him, and he with me. At least that’s what I had assumed when we both parted with the ever-so-awkward “we should do this again.”
That's it of Part 1 of 3. Please come back shortly for Parts 2 and 3. I guarantee you won't regret it!
Bachelor #3
(This is a long awaited post, precipitated by the pressure randi is putting on me. She's eager to share her college misadventures, so I must conclude my Bachelorette series pronto!)
I couldn’t think of an adequate title for my account of date with Bachelor #3. Perhaps then, this blog post will be as memorable as the date itself was. Except that - due to laziness (I.e. not writing about it in a timely fashion) - I’ve been forced to remember the rather unmemorable details of it as I have to share dating do not’s with you.
So, let’s all recall that this was Date #2 for that day, so I was pretty tired. In addition, I had a social engagement later that night, so it was in my interest to wrap it up pretty fast. I’ll foreshadow here to say that … I didn’t really need any help to wrap up the date; its natural path must have been quite short.
I arranged to meet with Paul at a local coffee shop. He asked if he could bring his dog along, and - since we’d intended to grab a coffee and walk around the bock - I had no issues with it. Plus, I love all furry creatures!
So, date time came and went. All of it happened in 45 mins. Looking back, it almost seems that it had been on fast-forward… but maybe that’s because the dog was pulling on the leash pretty hard, and we ended up power-walking rather than strolling.
Alas, the topic of the conversation during our 45 mins together mostly stayed on Paul, Paul … and also the people Paul disliked. I have be honest, there are 2 things that really frustrate me: people who complain and those who gossip. It’s a well known fact when someone asks “Hi, how are you?” we don’t really want to know the things you tell your psychologist. Just a simple ‘good’, ‘okay’, ‘could be better’ is sufficient. If we’re interested in knowing more, we’ll ask. At least, I will. But Paul just decided to express his disappointment with everything from the tattooed chick at work, to his ex-girlfriend who lied through her teeth. All in 45 minutes! He should win an award.
But, really, he lost me at talking negatively about people he works with, and - if not there - then certainly at talking about an ex on a first date.
We parted ways after our short date. I told him I had fun… and I didn’t specify that it was fun gathering material for my blog. He messaged me 2 days later, at which point I had to break his heart. Oh well.
The guy with more than a gay twang?!
Hopefully, the title I’ve chosen for this article will become self-explanatory as you read on.
So, this date was the 2nd date of my Bachelorette-style weekend. Bachelor #2’s (John’s) profile had been a bag of mixed goodies. His photos told a million different tales, but the written portion showed him to be a family oriented man, with other values similar to mine. So, despite the mixed feeling I got from the photographic portion of his profile, I decided to give John a chance and go on a date.
My date idea was ingenious - obviously. I am pretty amazing at coming up with ingenious date ideas, and I really topped myself on this one. See, I love garage sales. I think they’re a source of all sorts of marvels. John also happened to prefer garage sales to IKEA. So, we decided, early on Saturday, to go on a Garage Sale Tour (much like a Winery Tour). I mapped out our route, and he provided the Car and the GPS. Team work! We were off to a good start...
CAUTION: Kids, if you try this at home, make sure there at least one person who knows where you’re going, and with whom. Also recommended is to arrange a “test call” i.e. a friend calls you during the date, and if you’re desperate to bail, you pretend they’re having a baby and GTFO . If not, you politely tell your friend that you’re busy and will call them back later. Simple. I’ve done it hundreds of times. (Okay, not hundreds..)
We commenced our date around 9ish on a sunny Saturday morning. John was late - naturally. I’ve come to expect as much. Mind you, I gave him the benefit of doubt, since he’d only moved to Ottawa 3 weeks prior, and was unsure of the route to take to our rendez-vous location.
My first impression of John was: tall, someone unkempt in style, and… has a gay twang. Oh my God! Like…you must know what I’m talking about., riiiight? Now, don’t get me wrong, just like Lady Gaga, I love my gays. But, there is a certain style of speak that has become associated with gay men. And John had it. But okay, not a biggie. On a scale of deal breakers, his unkempt style scored higher. Sure enough, we instantly clicked when it came to our conversation. I made jokes, and he got them. He made obscure references to TV shows and I totally know what he was talking about (Cool Hwip anyone?) Basically we had a gay ol’ time.
In fact our date lasted over 4 hours. For 4 hours we travelled from one garage sale to the next, browsing, chatting, sometimes buying, sometimes not. We probably travelled 100kms in the one day. Not bad for a first date, eh?
Even though I had all but forgotten about my date’s speaking style, the gayness of it all could not be avoided, and eventually reared its head once again (absolutely no pun indented.) I don’t remember exactly how the topic got started, but John was telling about how he had - at one point - worked with a Newfie guy (I grew up in Newfoundland) - Steve, and while he liked and respected Steve, Steve did not reciprocate. This statement was followed up with: “I think it’s because he felt threatened; I think he thought I could get more guys than him.” When I heard that statement, I froze and prayed that I had misheard. But no - luckily for me - John clarified that Steve was gay, and actually felt that John was such a friendly guy, so he could get more guys than him. OMG, like...?
What’s a girl to do at this point? We’re in a car together, about 50kms from home. I just nodded with fake empathy. In my head, I was frantically reviewing John’s PoF profile, and the messages we had exchanged prior to our date. Did he mention he was only looking for friendship? Was he bi? WHAT DID I MISS?
To make things worse, we continued on this subject and John went to explain that he liked going to gay bars, etc. So, playing along, I asked if he knew any gay people/bars in Ottawa, ‘cause if not, I could totally introduce him to some of my friends, and that I had been hanging out with my gay friends as recently as the night before (which was true). I’m real not sure if he took me up on my offer at the time. But I confess to you, during that portion of our conversation, I became 100% convinced that John was gay. 100%.
Then, in a typical first-date-faux-pas fashion, John mentioned an ex-girlfriend. I throw my hands up in my confusion, and leave this article at that.
How it ends: we ended up going on date 2 together (just because I felt I could only eliminate 1 bachelor in this round, and John wasn’t it. Yes, there was a worse date. After the 2nd date, I confessed that I wouldn’t want to be anything more than friends with him. We hung out once more after that, during which time I became convinced that John’s lifestyle wouldn’t be a welcome addition to my life, neither in friend or boyfriend capacity. So, I let communication with him trickle to a stop. He sent me a few text messages to which I never replied. Cowardly, yes, but I didn’t want to hurt his feelings.)
The man with the magic touch
Shortly after my renewed interest in dating, I had messages from many-a-willing suitors. 4 to be exact! I was ecstatic at the opportunity of bad dates ahead. Truth be told – dating has become like a 2nd job to me – its goal being to entertain you, dear readers. This is probably the wrong mindset, but whatever. I can do whatever I want.
So, I did… and scheduled 4 dates, over a period of 3 days (Friday, Saturday, and Sunday.) In fact, I was so enthused at this opportunity for dating debauchery, that I initially decided I was going to star in my own mini-Bachelorette, whereby I’d present my men with roses to denote my affection/selection for/of them, and gradually eliminate them one-by-one, on a date-by-date basis. The idea was FLAWLESS. Though some critics questioned as to how I was going to pull-off the “Rose Ceremony”, the answer was clear to me. You see, PoF allows users to give “electronic roses.” Genius, right?! Right…
So, my first date – Bachelor # 1 – had some deal breakers: a) he was short (1/2 an inch shorter than I; and b) he was older: 36. Since I typically date older man (10 years out), I wasn’t too fixated on his age. However, the height – or lack thereof – was a lurking concern. Alas, one of my best friends cajoled me with: “give the short ones a chance.”
For our date, we arranged to rendezvous at a local coffee shop, on a Friday night. I was deliberately late (for the date, not with my period). If you can remember, it’s a huge pet peeve of mine when a guy is late. Well, considering none of my dates had ever showed up on time, I decided to rebel and be late myself. Mind you, I was only late by 10 min, AND I messaged him to let him know. I’m clearly a very courteous belated person.
It turns out that Bachelor # 1 was a true gentleman – and graciously forgave my tardiness, so we enjoyed a nice conversation over the next 50 min. He even paid for ½ my drink! (Sarcasm) But, not only was Bachelor # 1 a gentleman – he was also a masseur – I found this out as he accosted me with a surprise hand massage right there, in the middle of the coffee shop. He wasn’t a full-time masseuse… it was just something he did in spare time. In any case, I was only mildly uncomfortable; he did show me his business card before I let him touch me (though didn’t let me keep it….hmmm…).
Fast forward to the end of the date when I decided that Bachelor # 1 was pleasant enough to keep around; at least for another round. So, after the 3 other dates that week-end, I have him a “rose”. He was quite tickled by the whole thing. Unfortunately for him, I had a sudden moral attack and decided that it would be quite mean to string this fella along for the sake of “The Bachelorette” idea. So, I e-mailed him to say that – even though I had a nice time at coffee – I ultimately didn’t feel that I could offer him anything beyond a friendship. I also stated that height and age were factors in my decision making.
In my opinion, I did quite an honourable thing, but his reply didn’t convey that:
“I understand, although you are missing out on the most magical touch of your life. Regardless I was going to reschedule anyways, since I met someone last week who wants to see me again for dinner that night.”
Though very saddened (NOT) that an opportunity for free massages from the man with the magic touch had suddenly evaporated, I felt good about my decision. In fact, I was REALLY tempted to respond sarcastically and wish him all the luck… but I held back. I’ll get my kicks elsewhere.
Dating like a dude
Hello World! It's me... the site admin. I'd like to think that no one knows who I am. Even though, you probably heard about this site because you know me. So, yeah... so much for anonymity.
So, guess what... even though I said I'd wait 'til September, a mixture of curiosity, excess of time on my hands, and ... some envy over Randi's adventures, lead me to precipitate my re-entry into the world of dating. Let me tell you... this world hasn't changed. It's still quite scary; maybe even scarier, since now I'm rusty, having been out of "The Game" for 10 months.
However, 2 week-ends ago, I wasted no time before jumping right onto the playing field... with 4 dates with 4 guys in 1 weekend...and it's even wasn't a long week-end. Yeah... I know, I'm awesome!
This is what one of my friends had once termed as "dating like a dude". Now, of course I don't hold a candle to some of the Don Juans (and - I guess - Don Juanitas) out there. I remember one time a former colleague told me of his friend who scored 14 dates, over a period of 7 days (a girl for lunch, another one for dinner). That really worked out for him, since - in the end - he is (or maybe, by now, was) dating one of the 14.
Anyway, back to me. So, armed with a new online profile (sadly, I've given up on the limerick profile), I dived into the sea of fish, and scheduled myself on a date on Friday, 2 on Saturday, and 1 on Sunday.
Over the next few blog posts, I shall reveal where my adventures led me. From coffee dates, to garage sales, to hand massages in public places, I experienced it all... packed into 1 week-end. So, be sure to check back soon, to find out how dating like a dude has been working out for me.